The Misadventures of Year Seven
by LadyLindselot
Summary: The tail following the marauders, Lily, and an OOC through their seventh year at Hogwarts. Filled with horny laughs, cussing, trials, and the many woes of teenagers.
1. Default Chapter

**Disclaimer: Nothin' in this bloody fanfic is mine save the characters that are most obviously of my making. My sincerest apologies to J.K. Rowling, since in this fanfic, I am forcing her lovely and developed characters to do naught, kinky, dirty, head-in-the-bloody-gutter, things. **

**Special thanks: Tiffy, who not only beta read all of this, but helped me figure out how to upload things on this website. I am sooooo stupid when it comes to playing around with computers. Much love, Tif. To Micky, who had only read one fanfic before and said that it was…odd. Well, Micky, honestly, mine probably isn't much better. Thanks for plowing through it for me! And lastly to James on You helped me more than you could ever imagine. Thanks for your support of 'ladylindselot'.**

**A/N: If you hate kinky things, cussing things, and horny things, I advise you to turn around and read a slightly more rated G fanfic. No flames, pweese. Pwetty, pweese with a cherry on top.**

Chapter One

In Which Many Ends Meet

By LadyLindselot

Artemisia Engledew waited on the platform nine and three quarters for her best friend Lily Evans to pop out of the barrier. Her twin brother Apollo was already on the train with his friends. She looked down at her muggle watch and sighed dramatically. 'It's five minutes to and she isn't here yet. I hope Potter or Black have nothing to do with it.' She thought grimly to herself. At ten fifty-seven Lily Evans walked gracefully out the 'solid' brick wall humming to herself.

"OY! Lily! Think you could move any slower than that?" She yelled over the heads of Hogwarts students that were now boarding the train.

"Sorry, Missy, but did you realize that as you walk through that barrier it's the last time? It's our seventh year." She gave her trunk to the porter as she approached her friend.

"Never knew that you were one to get sentimental. Are you sick?" She placed a hand on Lily's freckled forehead. "How can I be sure that you're the _real _Lillian Evans?" She added suspiciously, narrowing her eyes."

Lily playfully pushed Artemisia's cool hand off and laughed. "It's suspiciously quiet, did you know that? Or is it just me? Where is Pothead and… ARGH!"

Both girls became completely soaked as water balloons rained down on them. The sound of evil cackling laughter filled the platform. Lily and Artemisia whirled around to face the train where the laughter was coming from.

Water dripping into their eyes they made out the form of two seventeen year old boys hanging out the compartment window with their wands up. Two dark haired, seventeen year old boys…

"POTTER! BLACK!" Sputtered Artemisia she drew her wand out of her jean pocket. But Lily got there first. She whipped out her wand.

_"Impedimenta!"_

Light blossomed out and smoke billowed around the train mingling with the exhaust. The screen blew away and unveiled a disheveled, messy haired boy. His glasses were askew, his hair was scorched and his face was masked with ash. He grinned roguishly at Lily and winked.

"I just want you to know that I love you, too Evans!"

"SHOVE IT, POTHEAD! I DO _NOT _LOVE _YOU_!

The boy next to Potter was laughing. "Way to go, Prongs, my mate. A regular lady's man!" He slapped him on the back heartily. "I wonder if they know what the balloons are made of."

_"Winguardium Leviosa!"_

"ARGH! BLOODY HELL!"

"CONDOMS? CONDOMS! GET YOUR BLOODY HEADS OUT OF THE BLOODY GUTTER, WILL YOU?" Screeched Artemisia as the condom-water-balloons slapped him in the face.

By now the parents on the platform were looking back and forth from Artemisia and Lily to Potter and Black frowns creasing their faces. Curious students poked their heads out of windows or peered behind them, snickering or whispering to their neighbors.

The Hogwarts Express let out a mighty blast that sent a cough of smoke into the air. "All aboard!" Yelled Black as Lily and Artemisia scrambled onto the train.

Both girls were flushed from anger and panting as they slid the compartment door shut. They both plopped down across from each other in silence.

"Nice hex to Potter's face, Head Girl." Artemisia said when she finally caught her breath. Her eyes flickered down to the shining badge that glinted against the other girl's wet clothes. "Say, shouldn't you be in the Prefects compartment right now?"

Lily caught her breath and her eyes grew wide. "Oh. Oh! Yes, I should. Thanks, Missy, I'll meet you back here in a bit." She was half way through the sliding door when she turned around and looked at her best friend as though having a second thought and muttered something and waved her wand before turning on her heel and walk down the corridor. Artemisia was instantly dry.

"Thanks, Lil!" She called as the Head Girl disappeared.

"I must say," Sirius Black said with a cocky grin. "They look nice in wet clothes. Do you think we could get them wet again…? What do you say, mates?" He looked around at his companions.

Remus Lupin or Moony, was reading through _Muggles and the Simians: A Timeline Through the Ages_ with a raised eyebrows. His wolfish amber eyes weren't moving across the page but looking up at him and his equally amber brown hair was shaggy and fell into his eyes. Sirius had the feeling that his eyebrows were not raised because of the book but because of what he had just said.

"Oh, stop playing innocent, goody two shoes, Moony. Even you should think that Evans and Engledew looked rather nice with their clothes sticking to them like a second skin and…"

"Sod off, Padfoot." Remus said with a smile. "But I wonder who you think looked the best?"

Sirius had a look of fake bewilderment on his face, his dark eyes shining and his elegant dark hair dripping into his school robes. "Blimey, Moony I do believe we've rubbed off on you. Did you here that Prongs?"

James Potter or Prongs was fingering his unruly, and now partially scorched, black hair that spiked out in every direction. His blue with gold-flecked eyes twinkled mischievously. "About time you got that testosterone shot, eh, Moony? But if you're asking who I fancy, I'd say Evans has my vote."

"Fellow marauders, I believe we should alert Witch Weekly about this break through on the get-Lily-Evans-to-snog- James-Potter-so-the-rest-of-us-that-sleep-in-his-dormitory-don't-have-to-go-to-sleep-hearing-'Oh-Lily'-or-'yeah-baby' front." James gave Sirius a halfhearted punch. "What say you, Mr. Wormtail? Who is the hottest of them all? The voluptuous Artemisia Engledew or the release-causing Lily Evans?"

Peter Pettigrew or Wormtail's watery eyes grew wide. "I'd take either, any day any night, any time." He licked his lips. "They both look like they could give you a run for your galleons, eh, Moony?"

Remus now had put away his book and was looking at them with a thoughtful look. "You know, Padfoot, I think Engledew was right in thinking that you need to get your head out of the gutter. But I think that Engledew has turned into a little vixen over the summer." All the marauders turned to gape at him in bewilderment. Remus simply shrugged. "What? Can't I think someone is good enough to snog? I mean have you seen her assets?" He looked out of the window with a strange half smile on his face.

"Wow." James broke the silence.

"I knew that we rubbed off on him but I had no idea how much." Sirius said with an impressed look on his face.

Peter didn't say anything he just stared.

"Anyone up for a game of exploding snaps?" Sirius asked cheerfully.

"Yeah, I'm game."

Lily pushed the Prefect's compartment door open to see that all the house prefects were sitting there chattering to one another. When she walked in the compartment suddenly went silent.

For the first time Lily didn't know what to say. There was no doubt in her mind that they were talking about the happenings on the platform before she came and she didn't know how to cover it up well. So she thought of the first thing that came to her mind.

"Um, has the Head Boy showed up at all?"

The question was greeted by silence until the Slytherin Prefect Severus Snape drawled out an answer.

"No, Evans, but maybe you should go hunt him down." This caused the other Slytherin prefect to snigger behind her hand and the rest of the compartment to duck their heads.

Lily sighed. "I'll do that, I guess. Um, in case you don't know who I am my name is Lily Evans and I am the Head Girl this year. Your first assignment is to patrol the corridor in pairs until we get to Hogsmeade. Um, dismissed."

Truth be told she had known idea who the Head Boy was. The letter she got from Hogwarts didn't say but she had an idea on who it could be. Her educated guess would be Remus Lupin who was in her own house, Gryfindor or Daniel Redsteim who was a prefect last year in Ravenclaw.

Lily strolled importantly through the corridor peeking into the compartment to ask for the Head Boy until she came into one that was filled with Ravenclaw boys.

"…Did you see Potter's face when she blasted him?"

"…That Gryfindor seeker, Artemisia, is her name? She looks good wet…"

"…I thought Evans looked better. My dad it has something to do with redheads…"

_Ahem._

Lily cleared her throat loudly and flushed at the comments she had walked into. "Um, is Daniel Redsteim in here?" She asked.

"Yeah, here Lily." A boy with sandy blonde hair and slate gray eyes stood up from the seat by the window. He strode over and shook her hand. Like Artemisia, his eyes shifted to the Head Girl Pin on her blouse. "Congratulations on being Head." He released her hand politely.

"Thanks." She looked at his clothes. He was already in his school robes. There wasn't a badge on his person anywhere. "I thought for sure that you would be Head Boy this year. Any idea on who it is? He didn't show up for the meeting and I really need to talk to him."

Daniel looked thoughtful for a moment. "If I was to stake my galleons on someone I'd say Remus Lupin. He's in the compartment over."

Lily nodded appreciating his help. "Thanks I'll see you at the Welcoming Feast." She slipped out the door and slid it shut behind her.

She sidestepped in front of the next door. She could hear voices conversing loudly within with an assortment of explosions. Not able to help herself she leaned into the glass pane to listen.

"Jamie Boy, don't you think that you should be with the Prefects now putting fear into their little unsuspecting hearts?" Sirius leered at him from under singed eyebrows.

"Yeah, or at least spending some 'quality' time with the Head Girl!" chimed Peter. "Imagine what it would be like if Lily Love was the Head Girl, you would have a field day, Prongs!"

James stretched out his long legs clasped his hands behind his head and leaned back. "It would make for an interesting year, Wormtail, my friend." He said licking his lips. James glanced over at Remus. "Remus, help a brother out. Tell me, you're a helpless romantic, how should I get Evans to fall madly in love with me?"

Remus through up his hands. "I'm not the lady's man, here, James. Sirius is." He jabbed a thumb over at Sirius who stood up and took a mock bow, smiling.

"Yeah, but Sirius is horny. Evans doesn't seem to like horny people."

"Well, James, if you ask me, I'd say that non-horny people are horny people who don't get caught. But to help your case I would start by not calling her Evans but by her real name. Lily. Lily, do you remember that name?"

James flashed Remus a winning smile. "Yeah, Lily, sounds like a nice stripper name, don't you think? Seductive but innocent. Hmmm, sounds a lot like…"

But James was interrupted by a loud bang that felt like shook that whole train. The compartment door slid open with a powerful whoosh revealing a fuming Lily Evans her face livid and her eyes shooting sparks.

Lily leaned into the pane of glass.

"…Putting fear in their little unsuspecting hearts?" That had to be Black. That was his voice that sounded like velvet with a mischievous undercurrent that made half of the Hogwarts girls melt.

"…Quality time with the Head Girl…" Peter, had to be. High pitched, very much like a mouse squeak. _WHAT! _ Part of her mind screamed. _"Do they mean me? If they knew that I was Head Girl would they say the same things that they are saying now? _The other half of her mind was saying _Damn Potter and that arrogant toe rag, Black. Damn Peter and his girly, squeaky voice. _

"…Non-horny people are horny people who don't get caught…" That was Remus, but that couldn't be Remus. He was Head Boy! Remus would never say that anyhow, that was so out of character!

"…Lily sounds like a nice stripper name…" _Potter! _Her mind screamed. She could feel the heat rush to her face. She had to cover her mouth with her hand so she wouldn't yell the stream of curses that ran unchecked in her mind.

"…Seductive but innocent…" _ARGH!_ _I'll show you seductive but innocent! _Lily whipped out her wand and through gritted teeth hissed "Alohomora" at the lock that clicked open and then grabbed the handle and thrust it back to reveal the four boys, their mouths open in an undignified way as they looked upon a wrathful looking Lily.


	2. chapter two

**Disclaimer: All right, ladies and gentlemen, I once again do not own any of J.K. Rowling's characters. None. Zilch. Nada. Zero. **

**A/N: Sit back relax and watch the story unfold. curtsies**

**Chapter two**

In Which We See a New Side of Remus

By LadyLindselot

Lily stood glowering down at each boy in turn before ending on James. "Potter," was all she could choke out. Her throat seemed constricted with rage and humiliation. All of the marauders were now looking down, bracing themselves; even Sirius had the grace to become flushed. They all looked like a guilty bunch.

"Please, Lily, I didn't mean…" James bravely began. After all, he was a  
Gryffindor. He looked up at her pleadingly. "It wasn't what it sounded like, I swear, really."

Hate leapt from her heart into her mind where is blinded her with rage and hatred and left her searing with white fire. It poured down her throat into her mouth and onto her tongue. "Quality time? Stripper? Is that all you want from me Potter? To have a nice snog session in the astronomy tower?" Vaguely she heard running feet approaching her but Lily took no heed.

She took tense steps into the compartment until she was directly in front of James where she slapped him clean across the face and hissed in his ear. "Not even in your dreams Potter. If you or any of you come within three feet of me I swear I'll hex all of you into next Tuesday."

"Come on Lily, it was just a joke…" Remus started softly from the corner.

"You are supposed to be Head Boy, Remus, I would expect better from you!" She hissed at him. Her freckles seemed to stand on end when she turned to him and her Head Girl pin flashed in the light sharply.

James felt anger boil over him. Evans had no right to speak that way! Maybe she didn't notice but it was he not Remus who was wearing the Head Boy badge. She was definitely in the middle of her PMS. Anyhow, he could be just as clever as Remus. Sometimes. Ok, occasionally but he was often to one who came up with the brilliant scams for the marauders, dammit! She infuriated him so much but he was strangely attracted to her. DAMMIT! He balled his fists.

Sirius leapt to his feet.

"IF YOU COULD STOP SEEING RED FOR A MINUTE YOU WOULD SEE THAT REMUS ISN'T WEARING THE BLOODY HEAD BOY BADGE! JAMES IS!"

Lily stiffened and looked over at Remus coolly, "Care to explain?"

Remus opened his mouth to give Lily a mild response but Sirius beat him to it. "What is there to explain, Evans? James. Is. Head. Boy. Deal with it!"

Silence.

Lily stood there, her jaw set. She was humiliated, hurt and angry. Was this what she got for let her temper go unchecked? Control was sometimes so elusive for her and now she used every ounce of power to reign herself in. This was too much.

_BANG!_

Everyone in the compartment jumped at the sudden noise for it tore through the tense silence.

The marauder's door slammed open and almost came off the track as an angry Artemisia pushed up her sleeves, wand in hand. Her ivory skin was flushed and her normally coal rimmed, startling amethyst eyes were now a glowering emerald, not unlike Lily's.

"Potter," She said in a dangerously calm voice. "What did you do?"

James opened his mouth to curse and protest against the dark-haired girl but a big, firm hand covered it. Remus shook his head at James. At that moment Remus wished he could send a telepathic message telling Prongs to shove his hole. Both holes, now that he thought of it. And Sirius, too. Alas that his greatest friends could be rather thick at times.

Lily turned on her heel and stormed out of the compartment. Artemisia sent them all a death glare before sweeping out behind her friend.

The rest of the train ride was fairly uneventful. Though once in a while a random bang would rock the whole car but as the afternoon flew by out the window along the Hogwarts Express it was strangely quiet.

Lily was glad for this lull. Mortification and guiltiness had now set in and surrounded her. She sulked in the corner of her seat and stared moodily into the now darkening sky. They would be reaching Hogsmeade soon.

At the same time Artemisia was watching Lily from above her Witch Weekly. After a while she spoke quietly and carefully. "You'll have to face him some time, you know. You can't just block him out. I know that you hate him, and I do, too but now that you two are the Heads you have to be at least civil with each other."

Damn Artemisia's common sense.

"I know but Missy, how can I face them now? I feel bad about Remus and I'll apologize to him about that but James. .. Argh! He's so…"

"-Infuriating! I can't stand her! What is it with read heads, anyway?" Sirius growled pacing the length of the compartment.

"Well she did walk into a rather, er, strange conversation, didn't she?" Remus said calmly.

"Sure, but most women upon hearing that _particular _conversation would be flattered. Why Evans of all people, Prongs? You could have any girl in the whole bloody school and you pick _her!" _He flopped down beside Peter in an exasperated gesture.

Remus had a thoughtful half smile on his face. "Padfoot is right. Why Lily, Prongs?"

James ran a hand through his wild black hair. "I-I don't know. Lily is just, I don't know, Lily." He looked at Remus hopefully. "Does that make sense, Moony?"

"HELL NO PRONGS!" Laughed Sirius. "I think that you're in it just for the…"

"-Chase. All guys like a chase. Maybe, since you and I are the only ones that are off limits to him he wants you. Get it? Reverse psychology?" Artemisia leered at her to see her reaction to this theory. "It's common knowledge that Pothead fancies you."

"Maybe, but maybe he is really a hermaphrodite!" Lily said brightly. Both girls giggled historically.

"No, wait," Artemisia said between bouts of laughter and gasps. "Maybe he has his…"

"-Thong in a bunch!" Sirius choked out before tumbling onto the floor. In spite of himself, James keeled over, his face bright red.

"Do you really think that Evans wears a thong?" Peter asked his watery eyes wide. This made James and Sirius laugh harder and Remus's smile to grow, his eyes glinting mischievously.

"Yes, actually she does."

All of the marauders stopped laughing very quickly and looked at their friend, for the second time that day, in surprise and awe.

"Y-you didn't have…you couldn't… With Evans…" James stuttered stupidly.

"Wow, just when you think you know a bloke he turns around and shags a girl. And not just any girl, either, _Lily Evans. _And I thought that you went to some convent for women to take a vow of celibacy over the summer and that was why you didn't join Prongs, Wormtail, and I over at the Potter place. Nice choice for a virgin. How did you do it? Was she good?" Sirius quipped.

Peter's eyes were as round as saucers. "You fucked Lily Evans?" Was all he could choke out.

Remus rolled his eyes. "Really, mates, are _all_ of your heads stuck in the gutter?"

All the marauders nodded their heads vigorously at each other.

Remus sighed with a satisfied smirk that he rarely put on. "Actually during a prefect meeting she dropped her wand in front of me after the Head Girl, Wanda, I think, knocked her over. No, don't ask me why, Sirius. Anyway, she bent over and I caught a glimpse." He kicked back.

"The view was rather nice." He added, his eyes drifting casually to James.   
"Real nice." His smile widened when he saw James blush deepen to a dark crimson. "Although, if I was to shag, as Sirius so charmingly put it, anyone, Artemisia would have my vote." He concluded reassuringly to James.

"So," Peter said slowly. "You didn't fuck Lily?" He sounded disappointed because he wouldn't get the play by play.

Sirius laughed and through an exploding snap into Peter's face.

Lily and Artemisia were still laughing as the train pulled into the station in Hogsmeade.

Darkness draped itself around the tiny wizarding town like a snug cloak. The surrounding forest was like a black lace hem along the outcroppings. Cozy street lamps that gave off firefly-like light glowed around them as they stumbled off the train.

"Fir's years, o'er here! Fir's years!" The tall silhouette of the Keeper of Keys and Games, Hagrid, loomed alongside the train like a tall and beer-bellied spire. "'Lo Lily and Artemis, welcome back!" He said over the heads of some very terrified looking first years. The two girls waved as they crossed the street to the horseless carriages.

They entered the last one that they found was empty and hoped to God that Black, Potter, Pettigrew, and Remus, (They preferred Remus to the others so they decided long ago to address him by his first name.)

Once they carefully tucked themselves in the velvet cushioned seats they both stared out their respective windows in comfortable silence; a silence that was soon broken by a very loud and obnoxious Sirius.

"Oy, mates, I bet that I can find the carriage that Evans and Engledew are in with the first guess. Watch, it's magic!" The other marauders laughed from not far away.

Artemisia's eyes grew wide in fear. She drew out her wand and whispered "Cierra!" Lily watched the heavy bolt slide loudly into the crude metal holder and cringed.

"Alohamora!"

The bolt drew up quickly before it was kicked open by a boisterous Sirius. The rest of the marauders' heads poked out from behind him. "Voila! What did I tell you! On the first guess! Artemisia, baby, I could sense you in here, I could feel it in my…"

"Don't say it Black!" Artemisia warned.

"…Ears." He climbed in quickly and sat next to Lily and playfully draped his arm over her.

Peter came in next and slipped shyly beside Artemisia who scooted as close to window as possible. She wanted zero physical contact with this mouse of a boy.

James and Remus came in last and looked around in dismay at the lack of space. "Oh, well," Lily, said brightly, her tone conversational. "I guess you'll have to find a different place, Potter." She beamed up at him as Artemisia stifled giggles.

"Not if we make room, Lily, flower of my heart!" said Sirius jovially. James smiled he took the hint from Sirius's wink and approached Lily as Remus hesitantly, with cheeks flushed, stood in front to Artemisia.

Lily automatically narrowed her eyes. "What do you want, Potter? Why are you looking at me that…AHH!"

Before she could farther protest she felt herself lifted into the air by powerful arms as lightly as if she were a child. She knew Artemisia was getting the same treatment with Remus because she could hear her muffled protests probably stifled by Remus's hand. Lily was swung around and land softly on James's lap with a slight: "Oomph."

Sirius laughed as he watched Artemisia and Lily struggle against their 'seats' and Peter nervously joined in.

"Stop squirming so much." Remus whispered into Artemisia's hair. He wrapped his arms around the girl protectively as the coached lurched under them preventing the girl from tumbling foreword. Instantly she stopped her protests and blushed. Carefully, she leaned backwards into Remus's chest, waiting for a command to stop but it never came.

Deep down she was glad the darkness hid her blush. She rather liked it this way. It just felt…right. And content, right here, in Remus's hold. "But I'm not going to tell anyone. Not yet, anyhow. It might pass. Maybe…" She thought.

On the opposite seat James said much the same thing to Lily. "Calm down, Evans, I don't bite, honest. If I did do you think I would endanger you like that?" His hold on her waist tightened. She scowled at the darkness and felt strangely touched by his words. Did he mean that or was that just something to get her to stop? But, obeying James, she stopped fidgeting.

The clomping of the 'ghost horses'' hooves thudded rhythmically and the sway of the carriage reminded her of being on a hammock being gently pushed by the breeze or being on a ship being rocked like a child in a parent's arms or cradle. Without noticing it she shivered and curled closer to James and nodded off to sleep.

The looming castle that was Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry pointed regally to the star-speckled sky. Lights from within burned welcomingly to the cold students out in the tiny wooden boats. The lake that lay in the depression below was placid save the long black tentacle that waved from the far side of the lake.

The Lily, Artemisia, and the Marauders' carriage rolled bouncingly up to the front doors of the Entrance Hall. The doors were wide open and already many second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth, and seventh years were toddling at a steady crawl greeting portraits or certain suits of armor.

James leaned down until he got close to Lily's ear. "Oy, Evans, we're there." He called softly into her ear. She stirred but turned her ear away from him, grumbling.

He glanced over at his fellow marauders. Peter was climbing down only to be swept away by the throngs of people heading to the double doors in front of them. Artemisia was rubbing her eyes and looking about groggily while Remus held her steady around her waist. James caught Sirius's eye and grinned.

"No, mate! You don't wake a lady like that! Honestly, how long has it been since you've woken a girl who was sleeping on your lap?" He flapped his hand dismissively at James. "Watch."

He leaned close to Lily's other ear and said in a soft voice. "Hello, lover. If you don't wake up, I can't give you your morning kiss. Hmm?" He looked down at her leeringly.

Lily sat bolt upright in James's lap as though stuck by lightning. "WHAT THE HELL?" Her eyes fell on Sirius, who was just inches from her face. Looking at her in a very uncomfortable way, she might add. She screamed and toppled off James's thighs on to the coach's floor.

She scrambled up, refusing James's help and ignoring Sirius's laughter that sounded like barks. Artemisia was now wide-awake after having her best friend scream in her ear, who wouldn't be? Remus heard the thestrals prance uneasily and swayed slightly before bracing himself.

Sirius gallantly strode out of the carriage only to be received by his fan club of girls. He gave them all a mock bow and blew kisses at the girl's with a gleam in his eyes. The gaggle responded by batting their eyes and giggling madly. They followed Sirius like a mother goose guiding her goslings to water, into the castle.

Remus reluctantly let go of his hold on Artemisia as her twin brother Apollyon poked his head into the door. His sun gold hair had a strange halo as the candlelight shone through it. He narrowed his slate gray eyes at Remus suspiciously before turning to his sister. "After the feast I have a present from home for you. I think you forgot it." She nodded and stumbled out to join the trickle of people outside as Remus consciously followed.

Lily was brushing off her dark robes as a shadow stood over her. Slowly, she looked up. A shapely, blonde Hufflepuff with sky blue eyes and unblemished skin looked past her at James. Althea Lynch, one of the most sought-after girls in Hogwarts, was James's girl friend since the sixth year.

She gave a sidelong glace at James who was looking between the two girls before him. Lily inwardly sighed, "He never changes, the arrogant bastard." She laughed at the irony. A year ago she never minded the fact that Potter had a girl friend. Now, it had become somewhat awkward. At least that was how it was like since the train ride here.

Rather self-consciously of the fact that she was the third wheel she slid out of the door next to the attractive teenager, and leapt up the cold stone steps to her second home.


	3. chapter three

Disclaimer: sniffles I-I don't own any of J-J.K Rowling's character-dudes. blows nose in hanky A/N: Review! Review! Review! Review! Etc. Etc. Etc. Chapter three 

In Which Artemisia Receives a Gift

LadyLindselot

The Marauders, Artemisia, Althea, and a pensive Lily trudged to there seats.

Long, oak tables sprawled the length of the Great Hall. The staff table was adorned with a black velvet runner bearing Hogwarts crest and gold tasseled points. Banners sporting a lion, raven, snake, or badger hung from the enchanted ceiling that now resembled the star-speckled sky outside. Torchlight danced along the stone walls and gave off pleasant warmth that was a great relief from the crisp autumn air outdoors. The headmaster, Albus Dumbledore, sat regally but casually with the rest of the staff surrounding him. To Lily, his robes shifted from amber, to crimson, to gold, and to tangerine like the color of the autumn maple trees back home in Surrey, offsetting his vibrant and sparkling azure eyes.

Suddenly, he glanced up from his conversation with Professor Thistlethorp, the herbology teacher and looked over with interest at the grand doors of the hall.

All the students turned their heads, following his lead, and looked expectantly at the doors. The scrape of a the doorknob turning and being abruptly pushed open by a dark haired witch with stern gray eyes and high cheek bones made everyone in the hall smile. Professor Minerva McGonagall herded a mass of nervous first years walk shyly through the center isle between the Gryfindor and Hufflepuff tables.

"Now, when I call your name I want you to put on the hat." She lifted the ragged and patched witch's hat off the stool. The transfiguration teacher looked down at a papyrus scroll that curled daintily at the edges.

"Ardis, Tabitha."

"Ravenclaw!" Screeched the hat at a ripped seam near the wide brim. The students at the far right clad in bronze and blue ties and banners sporting a proud eagle waved and cheered the new Ravenclaw first year to their table.

"Chang, Li Nah."

"Hufflepuff!" The table beside the Ravenclaws exploded into applause as a blushing Li Nah scurried to join their ranks.

"Noctis, Ares."

"Slytherin." Polite applause was dulled out by the noise made at the table on the far left. Fortunately, it covered the boos and cuss words that were called from the Gryfindors. Ares trudged with dark eyes downcast and slumped into a seat beside Severus Snape.

Sirius leaned over the table to James and whispered loud enough so James, Peter, and Remus could hear. "They make quite a couple, Snivellis and that new guy, Arses, or something." The boys sniggered. Both Lily and Artemisia pointedly ignored Sirius's remark and kept their eyes determinedly on the Sorting Hat.

After the last first year was sorted, ("Ziemmer, Kirana!" "Hufflepuff!") Albus Dumbledore leaned over the dark wood table at the students who sat before him. His long, white beard trailing him and half-moon spectacles glinting, the headmaster said simply, "Tuck in."

Golden platters appeared before all the young witches and wizards. Amber encrusted goblets and pitchers filled with milk, water, pumpkin juice, and butterbeer materialized to the awestruck first years that shouted in surprise. Glazed turkey, roasted ham, and fried chicken were heartily gobbled up and soon the Great Hall was filled with the familiar sound of utensils and idle chatter.

The marauders were leaning over the table, probably discussing what they were planning to do that night or what kind of prank to play for the first time in that semester. Artemisia, on Lily's right, was conversing with her twin brother in hushed tones. He had come over from the Ravenclaw table somewhere in the middle of Sirius's third helping of haggis and sweet potatoes.

Unconsciously, she glanced over at the Hufflepuff table, at a small gaggle of giggling and chattering seventh years. Unsurprising to Lily, Althea was in the midst of all of them constantly turning her head to address or laugh at someone who sat around her.

"It doesn't bother me. It doesn't bother me one bit." She repeated under her breath as a mantra. She stared down at her chicken smothered in chunky gravy. "It doesn't bother…Oh, hell." Lily scowled down at her plate.

She thought about what Artemisia would say if she knew that Lily was inwardly pining. She glanced up at her friend who was now shaking her head emphatically, fear in her violet eyes at Apollo, who's equally violet eyes were dancing wickedly. Instantly, she knew what the fiery, dark-haired girl would say.

"Now that you're Head Girl, Lily, we can go into the restricted section of the library and look up hexes and curses to throw at them. I got this great book this summer called_ Revenge: The Tome of Curses and Hexes for Retaliation _at Flourish and Blots this summer and I marked this one about making hair grow out of the nose and ears and armpits for a week! Or this one, that makes you shoot out boogers and snot every time you say a certain word…" That's what Artemisia would do, something to slap into Althea's face and non-to subtly, either. Ergo, she would do something extravagant and flamboyant to make Althea a laughing stock.

"Oy, Evans, trying to telepathically make your chicken explode, or something? You've been staring at your food for like, ever and making the most hilarious faces in the world!" Sirius laughed so hard that spittle combined with now thoroughly mashed sweet potatoes sprayed onto Peter's robes.

"Hey!" squeaked Peter indignantly. He tried wiping off the regurgitated food off his neatly pressed robes with his sleeve with a sulking look on his face.

The headmaster clanked his goblet to get the school's attention. The last of the food disappeared from the plates leaving them polished and tidy. Sirius, who was holding two drumsticks in both hands, looked at the professor loftily. "Om ot don 'et!" He complained his mouth full. Peter ducked the food missiles by diving under the table and huddling with his knees to his chest, looking thoroughly disgusted.

Albus's eyes twinkled but ignored Sirius's blunt statement. "All students are to return to their common rooms after lights out." Some people snorted and looked pointedly at the Marauders at the Gryfindor table who smiled and winked cheekily.

"Our caretaker, Mr. Vice-Meyer," he gestured to the back of the hall to a tall, lanky, and sour looking man. He had stringy hair and a large nose. "Will insure this, along with the Prefects and Heads. Good night to you all, and please follow you're house Prefects to the dormitories." He bowed away from his audience.

Crispen McGravy and Leda Acropolis, the two Gryfindor prefects, herded the mob up to the staircases that shifted and creaked. Many of the Hogwarts ghosts popped out to greet new and old students and paintings waved to the cluster as they passed by.

"Good 'ol hoggy, warty, Hogwarts, eh, Evans?" Inquired Sirius jovially as he playfully draped his arm over her petite shoulders. Artemisia snorted when she heard what he said. The crowd of now tired Gryfindors came to a stop before a portrait of a fat lady in a hot pink, satin gown. She looked down her nose at all the sleepy children and said proudly, "Password?"

Sirius smiled roguishly at the portrait guardian of the Gryfindor commons and dormitories. "Viola, baby…" he began sensually. The Fat Lady's eyes bulged and her face became an attractive shade of plum. "You, you imbis-"

Leda intervened, stepping neutrally between the two, before The Fat Lady could finish her sentence. "Phoenix feather." She stated diplomatically looking up at Sirius sternly. The Fat Lady huffed angrily and swung open on invisible hinges. She purposely hit the wall to vent her frustrations.

"Now we have a portable, mini Evans running around as Prefect, a nice, little succession." James said to Sirius who howled in laughter. Lily scowled at the two as she and Artemisia helped usher their fellow classmates up the spiral staircase to the dorms above.

Finally, only Remus, Sirius, James, Lily, and Artemisia were left up. They pulled overstuffed chairs and couches near the crackling fire.

"Someone's singing, my Lord, Kum bi ya…" sang Sirius with a cheesy, off tune voice. "Someone's singing, my Lord, Kum bi ya…" he swayed in his seat on the couch with his lit wand bobbing in the air like a lighter. The marauders laughed, Lily snorted, and Artemisia rolled her eyes. "Oh, Lord," he continued in a sing-songy voice, "What the Hell is that?" With his free hand he pointed to one of the window surrounding the fireplace.

They all turned around to see an old barn owl pecking at the window, trying to get in. Remus furrowed his brow. "A little late for owl post." He commented.

"Ariel!" cried Artemisia surprised. She rushed to the window and yanked it open. The owl called softly and soared in on a gust of raw wind. Tied to its leg was a long white box. Artemisia quickly pulled down the pane and hurriedly untied the hemp that secured the bundle to the owl. "This is my brother's owl. I told him not to send them but dammit…" she trailed off as the ruddy gold and dusty charcoal colored bird swooped down to land comfortably on her shoulder.

The girl and owl plopped down without much care to grace. Artemisia lifted the lid about a half-inch before gasping and slamming the box down again.

"What is it, Missy?" Lily asked, concerned.

"Yeah, what _is _in the box, Engledew?" He got up and leered over Artemisia's shoulder suggestively.

She looked dazed. "I told him not to…" she glanced down at the container then up at Sirius. Lily saw her best friend's eyes harden but then start to dance mischievously, just as her brother's had done at the Welcome Feast.

"Are they _toys_?" He pressed, obviously oblivious to what had flashed in Artemisia's eyes.

Artemisia sent him a sensual smile as she stood up so that she was inches from his face. She pivoted, splayed her hands over his broad chest and shoved him down with surprising force onto her chair.

"It's a good thing Peter isn't here," James whispered to Lily. "I think this is going to turn out to be rated R, and you know how sensitive he is." Lily didn't answer him. Her eyes were wide and her jaw was slack. She stared dumbstruck at her best friend and Potter's best friend, both of whom, she thought she knew well. Lily's eyes shifted onto Remus who sat on the chair next to her and frowned.

He was stiff, with his jaw clenched tightly, and he was glaring daggers at Sirius. Remus was gripping the arms of his chair in a death grip and his fingers were twitching as though he wanted nothing better than to strangle his friend.

This bothered Lily. She knew that Remus didn't always care for Sirius's easiness but he had always tolerated it. But now, when he was trying to woo Artemisia, he was tense. "What is going on?" She thought.

Meanwhile, Artemisia had Sirius right where she wanted him. She was positioned on his lap facing him. "How gullible men can be when they are being seduced." She inwardly snorted. Artemisia leaned forward and whispered into his ear, "Close your eyes."

Instantly they became glued shut with a silly grin on his face.

Sending a secret smile to Lily she opened the lid all the way revealing twin long blades that glinted like water in the light of the full moon. She lifted one up from its protective tissue as Lily gaped and James gaped. Artemisia tested its weight before her eyes settled onto the anticipating Sirius.

Neatly, she pointed the tip of her silver, sapphire and moonstone encrusted sword to Sirius's throat. "Open them."

Lazily, Sirius complied with the simple command and his eye lashes fluttered open.

At first all he saw was the twin, twilight colored pools of light that were Artemisia's eyes. Then he felt cool, hard, and sharp metal press against the soft skin of the column of his neck. And he screamed. Like a baby.

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Artemisia quickly stifled him with a slightly callused hand over the teenager's mouth. The fire had died from her eyes and she looked almost sheepish. "You're going to wake half the tower, Black."

Slowly, she removed her hand from his lips. He was gasping and choking on his own breath. "What…Is…That?" He managed finally. His eyes cautiously eyeing to blade before him.

"My training sword. I use it to practice swordsmanship. It is and heirloom of my family passed from one swordsman to another. The warriors on my father's side are famed swordsmen, you know, Knights of the Realm and all. It was my brother's and then, since he has no son, he has bestowed it upon me." Artemisia explained as she sheathed the weapon back into the safety of the box. "Most definitely, _NOT _a toy." She added.

Sirius nodded vigorously and was silent for a moment before he groaned loudly.

"What is it, Padfoot?" James inquired, a grin spreading across his features. "Sore?" He sniggered.

"No," Remus answered for Sirius. He seemed to have lost his stiffness. In fact, he looked rather relieved, Lily noticed. "It's just, for a minute there; Padfoot thought he was going to get laid." He finished conversationally a half smile turning the corner of his lips.


	4. chapter four

**Chapter Four**

In Which the Marauders Become Peeping Toms

LadyLindselot

September flew by in a flurry of adjustments, pranks, and detentions. Soon the leaves shifted from fresh green to vibrant crimson, gold, and orange, and finally into dead, dull brown. Now they fell off the trees when the wind blew ever so slightly or when the cold October drizzle battered them down. The trees became naked and all their glory lost. Even the Whomping Willow in the school grounds was stripped of its cutting razor-like leaves.

It was on a late October Sunday afternoon that the marauders hatched a rather kinky plan.

The boys' seventh year dormitory was wide-awake but rather bored. Occasionally blasts from behind Sirius's bed curtain suggested he was conjuring flies and shooting them down with his wand. The sound of shifting paper and turning pages came from Remus's bed where he was finishing some last minute charms assignment. The flutter of small wings that permeated the thick red curtain of James's bed only meant that he was tossing the golden snitch in the air. Lastly, the sound of shuffling and moving cards made it sound as if Peter was play that ridiculous game he called 'solitaire.'

James's mind wandered back to a month ago when he was on the train with Lily.

"_Do you really think that Lily wears a thong?" Peter asked his watery eyes wide._

Remus had said that she did. He envied his friend that memory. James wished he could have seen what Remus had seen at that meeting. Another voice somewhere deep in the back of his mind piped up.

"_Why _not_ have memories like that?"_

Why not, indeed? It could be quite and adventure to go into the girls' dormitory. No, better than that, Lily _and _Artemisia's dormitory. Then again, it could also turn into a quite a _misadventure…_

Without a hesitation, James whisked his bed curtains open. "Are any of you bored?"

Sirius pushed the drapes away from his face pertly. "What do you have in mind, Prongs?" He leered at his friend from his bed and almost toppled into the pile of dirty socks at the side of his bed. Regaining his balance, he fired his attention to James only.

Remus dropped his quill and looked resignedly and James. "Well…" A sock quickly muffled the rest of whatever he was about to say with sock that had little flying brooms zooming on it. A well-aimed "Accio" by Sirius decidedly lodged the sock in his mouth.

Peter was nodding his head emphatically, looking enthusiastic as usual.

"Remember that day we were on the train and Peter asked if Evans wore a thong?" James asked. All the Marauders nodded their heads to show that they concurred. "Well," he continued, "I was thinking, why not see for ourselves if Evans wears whitey-tidies or thongs?" He looked at his mates.

A grin was slowly spreading across Sirius's face. "Brilliant, that's bloody brilliant, Prongs…"

Peter was bouncing up and down like a little three year old and Remus was looking thoughtfully at James. "Is it possible to somehow drag Engledew into this, too?"

James smirked. "Of course." He winked at his friends. "I think it's time to get out my old cloak, eh, mates?"

The girl's seventh year dormitory was peaceful and quiet. Random words, snorts, tossing, and turning were the only thing to disturb it. Thick red curtains that hung around the windows and made only a meager rosy glow to penetrate the room, stifled the sun. Panties, books, parchment, stuffed animals, and quills lay strewn on the flagstone floor. The two remaining occupants of the dorm were fast asleep as the other three roommates were at breakfast. Both Artemisia and Lily were blissfully unaware of their impending humiliation.

"Dammit, Wormtail, that was my bloody foot!" Hissed Sirius, harshly. James sighed as Peter cringed and stepped on tiptoe. Maybe it was just him, but he clearly remembered his father's invisibility cloak being a bit bigger than this. Even with all the elongating charms Remus had put on the shroud last year, it was still hard to fit four, seventeen year old boys who were over six feet tall. (Well, maybe Wormtail was the exception. Sirius liked to say that he was vertically challenged.)

The marauders edged up the spiral stairs that led to a heavy wooden door with a lion knocker with its eyes closed and in its yawning mouth hung a golden chain. The lion suddenly opened his eyes, which were glowing ambers, and shook out its gold mane, not unlike its living replica that lived in the savannahs of Africa.

Suddenly it let out an earsplitting roar that echoed painfully around them. The lion snarled its very sharp canine teeth at Wormtail who was leading their procession. He yelped and ducked behind Remus.

"Bloody hell, Padfoot, shut that damn thing up!" He hollered into the other boy's ears and pushed Sirius in front of the now growling knocker. "You sneak into the girls' dormitory enough. How do you turn it off?"

"_Bulla calva!" _

(AN: I have no bloody idea what the bubblehead charm chant thing is. This is Latin for 'Bubble head.' Post me, if you can!)

A clear fishbowl-like covering glazed over the lion's head and muffled its wailing.

Remus gave a long low whistle. "No shit, Sherlock." Peter nodded his head emphatically.

"Damn straight," murmured James.

A quick "_alohomora" _did in the lock and the marauders stealthily crept inside leaving the door slightly ajar.

Artemisia's muggle, battery operated alarm clock buzzed annoyingly close to her ear. Groggily she rolled over, smashed down the off button, and yawned. There was sleep in her eyes that felt like tiny grains of sand in the corners. Her hair was mussed and her nightgown was twisted around her thighs. _(AN: Get your heads out of the bloody gutter! Artemisia just woke up and tosses and turns at night, okay? Sheesh.)_ She gingerly smoothed out the wrinkles and slid out of bed. The dark-haired girl glanced at Lily's bed.

Her friend's heavy breathing sounded faintly from behind the heavy, gold embroidered curtains. Lily was still asleep.

Not wanting to wake her, Artemisia crept into the bathroom and clicked the door shut. With a flick of her wand, which she picked up off the counter, the put a silencing charm on the door.Sunlight poured through the slit-like windows at the far end near the two showers. A toilet was tucked in a cleverly hidden alcove in the corner and two identical sinks surrounded by a full vanity and counter of dark marble flecked with gold stood on Artemisia's left.

Artemisia stripped off her clothing and tossed them into the waiting arms of a cushioned chair beside the shower stall. She slid in, turned the water on 'Hot,' and sighed.

Lily and Artemisia's room was immaculate compared to the marauders'. Only one bed had its hangings still drawn. Three of the five beds were made, one was still mussed, and the other had someone still slept in it.

"C'mon." James hissed and beckoned the other three boys to follow him. "Look what I found!" He held up his prize. James held a red, lacey thong by the right strap.

"But that could be anyone's!" Protested Remus. "This is a dormitory for five girls; we don't know whose it is!"

"That's Adina Leptos's panties."

_(AN: Adina means 'slender' and Leptos means 'delicate'_ _in Greek.)_

Remus, James, and Peter looked at Sirius questioningly. He shrugged. "It's a system. See, there's a pile of clothes at the end of each bed. Each pile belongs to a girl. So…"

"We just need to find Evans and Engledew's bed." Finished Remus. "Let's start with bed number one." He pointed to the bed with closed curtains.

"How do you know these things, Padfoot?" Inquired Peter. As if having a horrifying second thought, he interrupted Sirius before he could answer. "No, never mind, I don't _want_ to know."

Sirius looked decidedly distraught and Remus smiled. "A wise decision, Wormtail. I do believe that you saved us from all the _gore _of _that particular _explanation."

They edged over to the red velvet bed and slowly, cautiously drew back the drapes.

Lily Evans lay there. James lovingly scrutinized Lily. Her long strawberry locks sprawled casually across her starchy white pillows. Her long eyelashes trembled and her full pink lips held a half smile.

A sharp tug from Sirius made him awake from his reverie. He was being pulled to the end of the bed, Sirius dragging him by the robe collar. "Come on, Lover Boy, we have a plan to finish."

True to Sirius's word, a pile of robes and panties galore were stowed partially under the bed and partially sprawled on the floor.

"These are nice," commented Sirius conversationally to the others. He lifted a leopard print one from what seemed like thousands of panties. "I think she would look just lovely in these." The marauder pulled out a sandwich bag and sacked the undergarment with an exaggerated flourish.

"Onward, Comrades! To the Lady Artemisia Engledew's dwelling!" Peter snickered and Remus rolled his eyes, yanked James away from Lily's bedside.

"Considering that Artemisia is a late sleeper, I do not think she is at breakfast," Remus thought aloud. The Marauders approached the sleep-mussed bed beside Lily's. A half smile curved in his lips as he surveyed a pair of silk bikinis and violet thongs and bagged them along with Lily's underwear.

"But if Engledew isn't in her bed and isn't at breakfast, then where-" James began but he was cut off as the door to the girls' lavatory opened and steam filtered out.

Artemisia jammed the faucet down and the warm blanket of water stopped abruptly. She stepped out facing the steamed shower and hummed a tune under her breath. Artemisia wrapped a warm, fuzzy towel around her and sauntered to the door. Bracing herself for the cold she clicked the door open and stepped out to meet the biting ice of the stone floor.

"Get under the bloody cloak!" Hissed Sirius. The marauders ducked beside Artemisia bed and shot under the safety of the invisibility cloak.

"Wait," Remus whispered into Sirius's left ear. "There are only three of us under the cloak. Who's missing?" He looked around.

James was spread eagle on the floor; half of him being hidden under the bed ruffles and the other half sprawled around him. Sirius was in a better condition as he was acting as guard crouching down on his haunches with Remus tucked behind him huddled next to Artemisia's bed.

Peter was nowhere to be found.

"Dammit." Sirius seethed quietly not unlike his nemesis, Severus Snape.

Remus craned his neck to see a great, gray rat with a pink nose and tail scurrying in idiotic circles squealing like crazy due to the fact that Peter's fellow marauders were nowhere in sight as they were hidden under James's cloak. "That bloody git is going to give us away!" Sirius muttered in a dangerously calm voice.

Peter seemed to get a clue because he soon streaked under Lily's bed squeaking frightfully all the way.

Meanwhile, Artemisia was scrutinizing the floorboards for the culprit responsible for making that entire squeaking racket but with no luck. She sighed and glanced at Lily's bed. "That girl sleeps through everything. She must have tried to transfigure a glass into a mouse again but only got a hairy goblet with a tail, nose and ears."

_"Close, but no Chrysanthemum Cigar, babe," _thought Sirius.

_(A.N.: The Chrysanthemum Cigar, as mentioned above, is a creation of my imagination. It gives off different colored smoke that gives off a fresh, piney scent, rather like a Glade Plug-in, and when it burns out, the paper at the butt of it unfolds like origami into a bright, red chrysanthemum.)_

Remus released his breath only to suck it back in again as his eyes drifted away from where Peter was putting on a little show in his animagi form to where Artemisia was.

Artemisia tucked some stray strands of her raven hair so they wouldn't get in her dark violet eyes as she bent over heavy trunk to pull out some slippers. She faced away from her bed but unbeknownst to her; another part of her besides her face was turned towards something, or rather, someone.

"Shit," whispered Remus.

"Damn." Sirius breathed appreciatively. "You picked a good one, Moony."

Remus blushed deeply but didn't take his eyes off the girl as she lifted a pair of blue furry slippers from her leather-strapped trunk.

Artemisia started to peel off her fluffy, white towel and lower it to the floor. She shook out her nightgown, which was now slightly wrinkled from being carelessly tossed onto a chair and being slept in.

Half of Remus wanted to keep on watching Artemisia strip. From what he could see, all that he could see for that matter were her shoulders. They were perfectly supple and smooth. Unfortunately, his guilty sides set in, and made him want to protect Artemisia's privacy, so he squeezed his eyes shut and covered Sirius's eyes firmly. Knowing his friend, Sirius wasn't having the same doubts as Remus.

He didn't surrender his grip on Sirius until he heard the shifting of sheets and the soft swish of hangings being pulled around the bed. Sirius whipped around and gave him a looked mixed with disappointment and disgruntled anger, his lips pursed in a look of four-year-old poutiness.

"Aww, come on, Moony, it was just one little peek." He whined.

"I was simply being a good friend by protecting your delicate eyes from rated R content." Remus said with amusement. He gave his friend a cheek grin.

"Spoil sport."

Remus stifled a snort as James disentangled himself from the bed curtain and regained his composure. "We've gotten what we've come for, comrades. Onwards! Let us gloat on our victory this day by a kitchen raid!" He looked about him and added as an afterthought, "Pray tell, Mr. Moony and Mr. Padfoot, where be Mr. Wormtail?"

"He transformed into a rat and almost spilled the beans to Artemisia, squeaking like a coward all the way." Remus replied in a hushed tone, nodding towards Lily's bed. "Dove under the sanctuary of Evans's bed over yonder."

Three-fourths of the marauders rose slowly at the same time and edged toward Lily's bed.

"Better let me pick up Wormtail. Lover boy over here might get a little side tracked by a certain red-head and we'll never make it out alive." Sirius whispered to the two other boys behind him. He heard Remus chuckle softly and James give a hurt snort.

Peter's long snout stuck out from under the bed duster, trembling with all his might. Sirius might have trod on it if he hadn't been watching the ground carefully. He bent down and Peter scurried into Sirius's cupped hands after squeaking his thanks. Sirius scowled down at the rat that was balled up into his palm. "You had better not do any business in there." He hissed into the rat's tattered ear.

The marauders stealthily made their way to the slightly open door at the far end of the room. They slipped out, this time with no mishap with that lousy lion that seemed to have fallen back asleep as the delicate whiskers on its nose trembled with every snore.

They crossed back the threshold to the next staircase on the right.

_We're almost home! I can't believe we made it back without one of them finding us out! _James thought. He was grinning non-stop, like a Cheshire cat. 

Sirius quickly unlatched the door and flung open the door to the boy's dormitory with a flamboyant flourish and heaved an exaggerated sigh. "Freedom!" He disposed Peter onto the floor that instantly shifted back into the chubby, rosy-cheeked boy.

Remus stood in the doorway, looking quite bewildered. "We just went in the girls' dormitory. I almost watched Artemisia strip." He looked at Sirius who was sprawled out on his unmade bed looking at the panties inside the little sandwich baggies with interest.

He sat up and flashed Remus a boyish grin. "Today was the day Moony became a man! I was wondering when the testosterone would kick in." Sirius leapt up and crossed the distance between him and Remus in one giant bound and gave him a noogie.

James's laugh boomed behind them. "I think we should see how long it takes for Evans and Engledew to notice that someone took some samples. I wager it will take until Christmas. Ten galleons. What say you, Padfoot? Moony? You in mates?" He leaned on the door jam casually, his spectacles askew but still managing to look composed.

"I say it will be only tomorrow that they realize someone trespassed," chimed Remus who recovered from his dazed state and flopped onto his bed with a sigh.

"That late? I bet they'll notice it by dinner," offered a jovial Sirius. "Say, didn't you mention going to the kitchens, Prongs. After that lovely adventure, I am rather famished myself."

"Why not just go down to dinner, mates?" Remus asked as though it were the most obvious thing in the world. Sirius looked at him wide-eyed. "You're bloody brilliant! Maybe we can see if Evans and Engledew have caught on yet."

So, the Marauders, being the starving, sexy beasts that they were, strode down to the Great Hall with other things than food in their minds. (With the exception of Sirius, of course.)


End file.
